Sunday, April 29, 2007

Selling Jesus (Get me some of that God-Crack)

The other day, okay maybe a couple of weeks ago, I was out for a walk. As I rounded the corner, I encountered the people who hand out the little smiley face stickers with the phrase 'Jesus Loves You' printed underneath. Suddenly, that smiley face seemed so....awful. Of course, they tried to peddle Jesus off to me with their stickers and a hurried spiel that sounded curiously the same as if they were trying to sell crack to me on the sidewalk. Really, you could just as easily substitute Jesus for Crack. It was disturbing to say the least.

I used to enjoy arguing with these people. Telling them that I don't believe in God, or Jesus or Heaven or Hell. Alot of the time I would be told I would be going to hell.

How can I when I don't believe in it?

The ones that really irk me, though, is the Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints people. They are brutal. And the most fun to fuck with, really. I've had many run ins with these people. One memorable incident was a few years ago. A pair of men in black suits holding a bible came knocking on my door. It was obvious who they were. I answered the door, and being who I am, got into a 'conversation' with them. It became very heated, particularly because I told them other gods existed before theirs, and one of them yelled at me (after I closed the door on them) 'I hope you rot in hell!!!!'
How nice.

Another one very recently.

Again, I was walking from the grocery store, hands were full with numerous grocery bags, on my way home. About a block from my house, I spied them.

The LDS people are easily recognizable. They are usually in suits, and look as if they are circling, like vultures, waiting for their prey. You better watch out if you are a woman alone, or if you are mother and child-prime prey. They'll swoop down so goddamn fast, you won't even realize what's going on till the last goddamn minute.

Yes, I saw them (they always come in pairs) across the street, eyeing me and my groceries, their heads close together in conference, trying to figure the best route of attack as they circled.

Finally, one of them said: 'Hello ma'am. You need some help with those groceries?'

'I'm all set, thanks.' I say, disgusted at their obvious ploy.

'oh, all right ma'am. You have a good day. God bless you.'

So.... what? You want to help me with my groceries so you can preach your word of God and try and convert me AND in helping me with groceries, will then know where I live so you can come to my house later and try and convert me again? Is that right?

That is creepy, bordering on harrassment, and stalking.

Also, as a side note, I still get spammy e-mails from 'Jesus' selling Viagra. That's just halarious.

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007


So, the Bear Pond Reading went really well. 23 people read, a few extra listening. It was a big crowd, relatively speaking. Lots of new faces this year as well as the regulars.

I really need to get out and do more readings, open mikes, whatever. I could use the practice. I felt I read too quickly at Bear Pond. Need to work on that. Slow it down. Measure my words.

Anyway, it was enjoyable as always. There seemed to have been a mother/parent theme running through. Sam Kolber read one of my favorite poems, Jewel Tones. Love that poem.

Will write more on this later...There were so many great poems...

I read The Mystery (in MotherVerse currently), a poem about crows, and this one:

The Book That Has Traveled With Me the Longest
Edward D. Campbell’s ‘Encyclopedia of Palmistry’ , 1996

It’s been held
Through too many moves to count,
Through indomitable heat and bitter cold,
North to South, and back again.

It’s been almost left behind
In the woods of Vermont,
Buried in the back of a car
With an Indian on the side
On the way to Florida

Trundled through the curiosities
Of adolescence, mid-20’s and pregnancy

It shows no wear, no tear
Despite the fact that it’s been
10 years or more of here to there

If you pay attention though,
It can tell your fortune by hand.

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Monday, April 09, 2007

Try Something Different For Mother's Day

Have you all heard of Cool Mom Picks? They have an awesome Mother's Day Gift Guide. Not your traditional candy and flowers!!

As Seen at Cool Mom Picks

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

Bear Pond Reading, Montpelier

Also, for all of those in the Vermont Area, Bear Pond Bookstore in Montpelier will be hosting their annual open poetry reading (10 year anniversary!) on the 17th in honor of National Poetry Month.
More info here.

Tuesday April 17, 7 p.m.
Bear Pond, Montpelier

I'll be there, reading a few pieces...